Halloween seems to be the week for parties! I've been invited to all kinds of events this weekend. Unfortunately I don't have a costume because I am a creativity fail. But I can still eat candy! At that, I am not a fail.
One of the events was a barbeque for my research group on Wednesday. Although the grill was shut down by the fire marshal (eek!) it was fun and I spent most of my time hanging out with my fellow grad students. I did talk a bit with this undergrad that my co-advisor Vassilis introduced me too. He's new at UCLA and new to our group as well, so Vassilis probably wanted me to talk to him and make sure he felt welcome.
So I was describing the evening to my best friend on the phone afterwards, and after I mention my talk with this guy she sort of paused, and then said:
"I just think it's really impressive how you don't even like, look at other guys, or wonder for a split second what it would be like to be with someone else. It's like you don't even have to make a choice--Jay's it for you."
I was taken aback at this (just because it kind of came out of no where). My response was that well, of course. It would be like considering someone else for my best friend! A person's best friend has been with them through all sorts of fun and drama, the big excitements and the devastating tears. To me, it's like that: why would you even want to consider someone else? Since then I've been thinking about it a little more.
When I was single, I would hang out with guys and I would think, "Hmm, he's smart and funny, I kinda like him." In college I would tell my sisters and my best friend about mini-crushes that I had and we would debate the pros and cons of that person. But it's true that, now, I no longer have those thoughts. I don't wonder about whether some rando and I would be more compatible, or what it would be like to date them. It's not that I don't force myself not to, it just literally doesn't happen--and the only reason I'm even thinking about this in the first place is that Nicole brought it up.
Yes, Jay and I are very serious, but it goes beyond that ... I don't need to look any further. I've found the best, for me. I really don't like the term soul mate, because it seems to imply that there is only one person for you, which I don't believe, or even worse, that you are not complete without them. I am my own person without Jay, and if I ever have to live life on my own I will still be 'complete'.
With that said, for who I am now and what I want to be, Jay is the one I want to share my life with. He completes me, he is better where I am weak and vice versa. We share dreams and goals. We respect and support each other. We have three years of shared experiences and helping each other through tough times. Why would I want anyone else in the face of that? Why would I even think that?
The below video, although funny, makes the point somewhere in the middle that "love is nothing to do with destined perfection, the connection is strengthened, the affection simply grows over time....
And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and synergy and symbiotic empathy or ... something."
I think that really says it all. How could someone different offer me that same shared experience, the support of being there? As soon as if I'd ever wondered what it would be like to have a different best friend or a different mother. It's not even a thought.
You don't fall in love with someone--you grow in love. Together.
Wanderlust Wednesday: Library of Congress
8 years ago